Marked

Steve and I were able to do a debrief for people in our line of work last week.  (He flew back to the city we work in yesterday.)  It was an excellent time of evaluating and processing our personal histories.  It also gave especially me some great perspective on what I need to do differently in the future.  How Steve and I naturally see some things differently so how better to support each other as well.

One thing that may sound a bit too simple for me to need to be reminded of (but was necessary!), was the understanding that it is OK to have needs of my own.  I was designed that way!  Compassion Fatigue is apparently common with people who work with people with dire needs.  Their needs seem so overwhelming that you discount your own, but then fade over time yourself.

One thing that really struck me as we went through this time of evaluation was this.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could become totally 'whole' in all areas.  Wouldn't it be great if we could like the three men in the fiery furnace come out the other side of things, "without even the smell of fire," on us?  (Dan. 3:27)

Unscathed sounds great but then maybe we'd be without some of the benefits of those experiences as well?  Maybe we wouldn't have increased wisdom, compassion for people in similar circumstances, and most of all we'd lack His 'mark' on us in ways that matter.  After wrestling for a night with G0d Jacob always walked with a limp. (Gen. 32: 24-26) It was his Father's mark on him for the rest of his time on Earth.  A reminder.

Like Paul did we should boast in our weaknesses. (2 Cor. 12:9) They're the sign of His power working through us, not our own.  They're areas that He's touched us.  And while they may make us feel 'weak' in ways they're just a sign that HE is strong.

Seeker

I'm turning into a seeker of the sun.  Most of my adult life has been in countries where you tend to avoid the sun so you don't melt!  That's true where we usually are, too, but there the smog is so dense that while it makes you hot, the sunshine never gives that nice 'ahhh' feeling on the skin.

New Zealand is cool enough this time of the year that I'm finding myself irresistibly drawn to sunbeams.  I'm outside as much as possible to look at beautiful things and feel that sun on my skin.  It just feels soooo good. (Maybe I'm low on Vitamin D!)

But seeking the creation is only a shadow of seeking the Creator.  The sun on my skin reminds me that I need to be a seeker of the Son, too........

"For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky.  Through everything G0d made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing G0d"          -Rom 1:20

In front of our house.

View from 'my' bench by the beach.

Pathway beside the beach

Another....

Tree on the beach

Just because they're so cute!

Photos are just taken with my phone so not the best quality!  I need to remember to take a real camera with me sometimes.

Being Creative

I am about the least artistic person that I know when it comes to drawing or anything along that line, so when I walked into a creative journaling seminar last week and saw art supplies on the tables I got a bit nervous!  I guess the fact that the seminar was called "Beyond Words: Journal Workshop" should have clued me in!  Luckily the seminar gave opportunity for creative expression, but didn't require any skill to participate.

It was really good to be challenged to think outside of the box. As someone who likes words I tend to just journal by writing a lot.  The downside is that if I'm not in a mindset to articulate well, then I don't journal and leave huge gaps in my 'story.'

I didn't write the figures down so don't quote me, but the speaker talked about how bringing a creative aspect into something that you do actually slows down the words per minute that your brain processes (something like 600 words per minute as the usual down to 120) and leaves you in a more restful, contemplative mode.  And how much we need that in our modern world.  And how helpful that is to calm us down to contemplate Scripture and talk to our Father.

We did a number of exercises which I actually quite enjoyed---even though there was something art related in my hand!  One of them was to write a 'cinquain' and decorate it if you wished to slow yourself down to really think.  I think I related especially well to this one because it still let me use words!  A cinquain is this:

Start with ONE word
Choose TWO adjectives
Add THREE words ending in 'ing'
Next come FOUR words that make a sentence
Lastly,  a ONE word ending.

A few days ago something happened that suddenly left me feeling tense, unfocused, and worried.  I decided to try a cinquain in my journal at home.  I was in no mood to articulate sentences but somehow just putting down the root of what I felt seemed do-able.  I wrote this:

FEAR

Ugly binding

Stressing worrying over-thinking

Is not from G0d

Bondage

And I drew chains around my poem.  (Those are easy to draw!) I didn't like leaving something so dark so thought I'd look at the opposite:

TRUST

Restful holy

Refreshing peaceful loving

I'm free in You!

SAFE

And I drew a daisy chain around that. :-)  (Mine wasn't quite as good as this picture, though!)

Somehow slowing down and doing this simple exercise relaxed me and focused my mind and heart so I could actually deal with how I was feeling with a lot less struggle to get to that point than usual.  I had a great talk with my Father and left the room after only about 15 minutes feeling peaceful and trusting.

So while I'll never be artistic in that way, I'm leaving a box of art pencils by my journal in the nightstand---and we'll see what happens!

Worldwide......

It's been an interesting day of being confronted by something 'normal' to me where we've been living the past few years in a different context.  Well, I don't think the exploitation of women is 'normal,' but it's something I've grown accustomed to--but not comfortable with--being around.

Today I've been horrified by a terrible Facebook hack of someone I know who is not in a first world nation. I don't think she has a computer at home so it will probably be some days before she discovers the horrible pornographic photos put up on her wall and even as her cover photo on her page.  She probably used an internet cafe computer and left her page open.  She'll be absolutely mortified and feel victimized when she discovers what's happened.

But what about the girls in the photos to start with?  No woman suddenly just wakes up one day and decides to take her clothes off for a camera.  They're victims, too........

Aaron's here for his mid-term break (and medical appointments).  The boys have been wanting to go to an army surplus store to browse so we took them to one in Auckland today.  Prostitution is legal in New Zealand and it turns out that the store was on a street with a lot of brothels on it.  There was nothing going on on the street, unlike our usual neighborhood, but it was disturbing to see the signs and blatant advertisement of what goes on behind the closed doors.

We were at a function a while back where I sat by a lady who had worked as a social worker who checked up on the well being of women in the trade in Auckland.  She obviously thought it was well within the girls' 'rights' to sell themselves, but when I asked her opinion of how they got there to start with she replied, "Well, obviously there's a strong connection between past abuse and women who chose the lifestyle."  Huh?  But it's OK????

I think not.

It's a big, bad, fallen world..........everywhere.

Time with Adam

I'm really enjoying homeschooling Adam again.  We do all of the normal subjects but have been doing extra things like spending a lot of time outdoors with daily walks.  We're loving reading really good books, too (currently 'The Hobbit' before the movie comes out soon!).  As he's had time Steve's been enjoying doing Science projects with Adam as well. They've researched what to plant, built a little glass house and have a whole crop of sprouted veggies on the porch.  They'll start a project about 'clean water science' soon.  I'm studying marine life with Adam and we've had lots of fun examining tide pools on the beach.  Adam wants to start an ant farm that he saw in town next.  If only Mom wouldn't make him do math every day.............

Some of our conversation today:

Me: (reading from 'Story of the World 1' by Susan Wise Bauer) "Shamshi-Adad wanted the people of Mesopotamia to be afraid of him.  He was a dictator-he didn't allow any of the people in his new kingdom to ask questions about his laws and his commands.  He just wanted them to obey him immediately."

Adam:  (interrupting) That's just like YOU, Mom!

(I HAVE been talking to him the past few days about taking his own sweet time getting around to doing what I say!)

Me: (When I could read again without laughing.  It took a couple of minutes.) "How did he get them to obey?  He killed anyone who wouldn't do exactly what he said!" So do I do that as well?

Adam:  Well, maybe you used to have more children than you do now?  I think maybe you actually had 10 to start with........!

Taking a contemplative break during a walk

(Homeschooling is SUCH a rough life for kids!)

Questions......

I had an interesting discussion with a few people the other day about the city where FS is located and it's impact on people.  It doesn't seem to leave people unchanged.  It's such a crazy, dirty, vibrant, sad, poverty stricken, enthusiastic, heart rendering, historic, hard, wealthy, colorful place of fragile beauty and 'in your face' pain.  There's just no where else quite like it!

The city and especially the area where FS is makes people ask hard questions, too.  It seems to make people either reach deeper for answers or, sadly, we know of those who have walked away from their fai-th because the questions were too much.

Questions like:

"Where is G0d in the night sky?
Where is G0d in the city light?
Where is G0d in the earthquake?
Where is G0d in the genocide?

Where are you in my broken heart?
Everything seems to fall apart
Everything feels rusted over
Tell me that you're there"
                   -by Jon Foreman  ('Vice Verses'-Switchfoot)

Or maybe phrased a bit more like this for our city:

Where is G0d in the stolen women?
Where is G0d in the homeless children?
Where is G0d in the poverty?
Where is G0d in inhumanity?

Where are you for their broken hearts?
Everything has already fallen apart
Everything feels hopeless forever
How can you be there?

These are valid questions and ones that we have had to face daily.  And there are no easy answers----except to struggle with it. And not to stop.

As our Rachel said at the end of the conversation I mentioned, (about those who have stopped asking and have walked away) "Let's not let that be us!"

P.S. Today is FS's 11th birthday of offering Freedom!

Another sad day......

Monday was a sad day at FS.  We wish we could have been there with them but were there in our hearts.  On Sunday the call came that another of our beautiful young women had killed herself.  Who it was was a shock, however; a lovely, bright 22 year-old named Shanti (it means 'peace') who had started in screen printing but had been promoted and was working happily in the office for the past six months.  She had even just given out wages to the entire staff on Friday.  There was absolutely no warning.........

She was found hanging from the ceiling fan that was still going inside her locked room.  The last phone call on her phone was apparently from her boyfriend who it is rumored had just broken off their engagement.

Suicides happen far too often in the district where we live.  They also seem to be somewhat glamorized by the young; a final, terrible statement to those who have hurt them.  When life has been hard sometimes hope is scarce and things that 'shouldn't' become too much.

She didn't have to die, however.  She had a loving community of 200 at FS that would have surrounded her. That community is now devastated by the loss.

Maybe somehow the knowledge that others cared so much for Shanti and would have been there for her will keep someone else from following her path.  May HOPE reign..............