Life Themes: Hope

I ended my last post with this verse, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Rom. 8:31)  Right now I find great comfort in this verse.  Almighty God-----for ME.  But it occurred to me that the confidence that this verse inspires or doesn't  depends a lot on our current opinion, impressions, or belief system about who God is.

Ladies, you will know what I mean by this statement:  All mirrors are not created equal.  Can I get an, "Amen"?  I have two mirrors in my house big enough to show me all that I need to see.  In one of the mirrors I usually look great.  It flatters me and makes me look my best.  I call it my skinny mirror.  The other mirror, well not so much.  If I look in THAT mirror before going out I feel dumpy and not so good about myself.  I've come to think that reality is somewhere between my two mirrors and so can adjust my thoughts about my current outfit accordingly.  Or I can just stick with my skinny mirror! 

I think how we 'see' God, how much trust we put in Him, how much faith and hope we have in Him are directly representative about what 'mirror' we're seeing Him through.  Are we in a place where our minds are filled with distress and doubt and therefore have distorted our image of Him?  And, therefore, ourselves.  If so, we need to stop and stare and refocus our view by the Truth of Who He Is.

Some of us always have a sound track of music in our minds.  Some of the songs are quite short-termed; music that we've been listening to recently, the irritating but catchy song that we just heard walking through the store.  Then there are the songs that resurface from our deepest, default memories when our minds are pretty blank otherwise and we just feel like singing.  Songs that have inspired us, challenged us, made us who we are.

One of my default songs is:

My hope is built on nothing less 
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness 
And I dare not trust the sweetest frame 
But wholly lean on Jesus' name 

On Christ the solid rock I stand 
All other ground is sinking sand 
And all other ground is sinking sand 

Hope.  Something challenged me to consider recently that if I had to pick one thing to call the theme of my life, what would it be?  I decided that it would be:

Not that I have always walked every single day in hope.  Not that I have always been a source of hope for others.  But when whatever happens in my life, whatever layers are of things that shouldn't be there are stripped away, whatever lesson I end up learning, it always seems to somehow come back around to hope for me.

"Hope isn't about knowing how things will come about.

Hope is envisioning the future and choosing to enjoy that now.  Hope is really about rest.  Resting in the imperfections of today because you believe that tomorrow there is possibility.  Sometimes the hope isn't for the change as much as it is for the change in me."  -thenester.com

If you've seen me much lately I may have been wearing this around my neck:

(I need to learn how to do those cool, focused on the object but blurry around the edges photos!)

I had fun recently selling some jewelry I've had for ages and getting some new things that make me smile instead for my next season of life.  Since working at an artisan jewelry shop before I had my first child, I see jewelry as an art form and wanted a few things that not only brought me joy to look at but meant something to me as well.

A while back my daughter's hope had fled.  I felt helpless.  I didn't know what to say or how to best support her.  I was just muddling along day by day trying to show love and hope fueled by His.  So I got this.  I want her to see hope 'fastened around (my) neck' (Prov. 6:21) when she looks at me.  A tangible reminder.

It's surprised me, however, that there are days when I struggle to wear this myself.  Days when I find myself shying away from the word 'hope'.  Those are the days I realized that I need to clean my mirror that lets me see my Father.  Unfog the reflection of my heart.  So I guess you could say this visual representation of a concept has become a barometer of my own heart as well.  Hope fastened around my own neck challenged me instead.

"Resting in the imperfections of today because you believe that tomorrow there is possibility."  And embracing that NOW.  

There is always, ALWAYS hope.

Our son, Aaron, got to go to an adventure camp this past week. (Thanks, Mark and Kerrie!!!) An awesome thing for a 15 year-old boy.  We picked him up at the bus depot last night and as he exited the bus I looked forward to seeing a big, happy smile on his face.  But there wasn't!  While he'd had a fantastic time, a few days before he'd hit his mouth on a rock while white water rafting and couldn't.  His swollen, cracked and puffy mouth was just too sore.

May we find a clear vision of who God is so we can have hope in our hearts today.  But let us also look for those whose hearts have been bruised and are sore, who can't smile for themselves, and model a life filled with incomprehensible, irrational, irrepressible hope for them as well.
(Because you never know the other half of everyone's story......)

When darkness seems to hide His face 
I rest on His unchanging grace 
In every high and stormy gale 
My anchor holds within the veil 

His oath, His covenant, His blood 
Support me in the whelming flood 
When all around my soul gives way 
He then is all my hope and stay 

On Christ the solid rock I stand 
All other ground is sinking sand 
And all other ground is sinking sand

Easy Life?

I've never expected an easy life.  Somehow the 'become a Christian and your life will be perfect' thinking that I've heard before never rang true with me.  Maybe it was just good theology that I heard, maybe it was the influence of my parents and my amazing youth leaders growing up, maybe it was the fact that my childhood church frequently had speakers like Corrie Ten Boom, Nazi prison camp survivor, and Richard Wormbrand, founder of Voices of the Martyrs who spent years being tortured in a Soviet prison for preaching his faith. I was taught that being a Christ-follower is a privilege and that with that comes responsibility, one that's not always easy.

There are pivotal points in our lives that mold us as well as the general soundtrack of our childhood.  One of those for me was something said when I was a little girl.  Someone prayed for me and felt like God had given him a picture for my life.  It was a girl walking along in a field carrying buckets of water.  I kept going back to the well to fill my buckets again because as I walked along I kept sloshing out water on the field.  He said that the water was kindness and the well was God as the source. Then he saw me later again when I was older and while life hadn't been easy, I was still sloshing water.

He mentioned Isaiah 12:3 as a verse for my life, "With joy you will draw waters from the wells of salvation."  The visiting speaker had never met us and didn't even know my name. But my first and middle name literally mean "joyful spirit" and "living water."

But then there are days like the one when your daughter tells you that she wants to die---and you finally realize that she actually means it.  Then there's the day that she gently tells you that despite your best intentions to protect her, you failed and that someone hurt her in a way that's been slowly killing her for years.  And you didn't even know.  And you question what kind of mother you've been at all?  Then there's the day when you think she's doing a lot better, but your other daughter calls from the emergency room to tell you otherwise.  And many other days of different sorts of trials as well.

On days like those it's been comforting to know that in my little girl prophecy that at the end of my life I was still sloshing water.  That I WILL make it.  That I can survive.  That somehow my parched buckets of nothing left to give will be filled again.  And where to fill them. I can cling to that hope partly because of the encouragement given to me as a child, but it's something that we all can find promises of in His Word as well.

But while we know that we will be carried, while we know that our loved ones are actually in better hands than our own, we still wonder, "Why?"

Life was never meant to be lived in a vacuum.  While it might sound peaceful for a time, no one actually wants to live in a sanitized, sealed bubble.  Even safe bubbles have walls that confine.  And we are meant to rub shoulders with things in this world even if they're painful.

C.S. Lewis said, "Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny."

When you go through the hard stuff and eventually smile, when you get back up after you fall down, and when your world looks 'over' but isn't and people around you know it, something amazing happens------you can open your mouth and they listen.  You have a voice.  You have credibility.

You see, it's not about the journey and your failures, weaknesses and pain along the way.  It's about the destination.  WHERE you end up.  WHAT you've learned.  HOW you've made it through.

Kay Warren, whose son killed himself last year, wrote in her book Choose Joy, "All of us want the product of trials and pain--maturity--without having to go through the process.  But James warns us not to try to wiggle out of the hard times too soon; if we do, we will short-circuit the process and remain immature."  She's referring to this:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)

"...so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky." (Phil 2:15)

Photo by Beth Waterman (I think!)

Day to day in Kolkata there were some pretty awful days scattered in there.  Days where nothing went right. Where machines broke, tempers flared, local government interfered, or the heat was unbearable.  But around FS those days actually became the very best ones (not that that was easy to remember in the middle!).  Because while they weren't great to live through, those where the days where the stuff that mattered the most happened. Women who were broken beyond our imagining saw people around them respond to trials and difficulty in a different way.  They saw them be kind in the face of ugliness, have faith in the face of despair, hope in the middle of what looked like impossible situations, patience under stress and on and on.  Not that people were perfect, but they walked together. The women weren't just told to live differently than before, they were SHOWN by those who walked beside them in love and who gave credit to why they lived differently to Him.

There was a guard at the door of the grocery store that had all of the 'extras' that I couldn't get at our local bazaar in Kolkata.  I'd go there about every two weeks and ended up having ongoing disagreements with the poor chap.  His job was to make sure that no one exited through the entrance and to make sure that any bags that weren't ladies' purses were checked in at the counter by the entrance

The problem was that the smaller FS bags that I carried just didn't look like purses to him!  He'd say, "Madame, bag," and point to the bag check in counter.  I'd say, "No, this is a handbag."  We'd go back and forth until I'd show him that I, in fact, only had a wallet, etc, inside.  He'd still say, "No, not handbag," until I'd start to get cross.  Then he'd let me through.  I eventually saved time by sounding cross to start off with instead of playing out the same ludicrous exchange each and every time.

The issue was that that man was just glad to have a job.  He'd been given a very narrow set of parameters and perspective to follow and refused to think outside of his box out of fear for his job (and I knew that it wasn't safe to check my wallet, phone, etc, in at the counter!).

We need to remember in the midst of life that we have tunnel vision as well.  Our vision is limited.  Our knowledge of things is actually quite small.  We can't often see the 'whys'.  There's an awful lot that we don't understand.

But God can give us the bigger picture.  He can help us see past today and even if we can't see forward clearly, give us hope for tomorrow.  Because He's already there.  And we've never been promised an easy life to start with.  Just that He'll be faithful, and He promises:

"Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.  I have called you by name; you are mine. 

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.

When you to through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.

When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you..........From eternity to eternity I am God.  

No one can snatch anyone out of my hand.

No one can undo what I have done."  (Is. 43:2-3, 13)

Let's be honest, trials stink.  But in the middle of them we can cling to this:

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Rom.8:38-39)

and

"If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Rom. 8:31)

Yeah, that's pretty much the ultimate encouragement right there!  

Important update on us.......

Dear family and friends,

Happy New Year!  We pray that your year has started out well!

We have some quite important things that we're finally ready to convey in this email so will get right to it.

This past year Steve has spent quite a bit of time going back and forth to India while the kids and Heather have been based in New Zealand.  The purpose of this has had a number of facets, but the main one has been to look after our kids. We've spoken of Aaron's health, etc.  Thanks for all of your prayers for him!  He seems to be doing better and better.  

Another reason we think we are to be based in NZ for now, however, has been for the sake of Rachel.  We haven't felt the freedom to convey information about her since what's been going on in her life is her own, very private story.  However, she has just started blogging and sharing her journey herself as she wants to give hope to others. She's doing an amazing job!  (http://365reasonstostayalive.blogspot.co.nz/ ---Read the first entry first) 

Basically our beautiful, amazing young woman has been struggling with depression for a while and tried to take her own life on Oct. 10, 2013. She's had a lot of hidden pain for years and years that we've come and are coming to know more about slowly.  She's moved back in with us, is working but will take the next year off of university, and is making good progress in her life towards healing.  But she knows herself that she has a journey ahead of her.  And while she's an adult and this is her journey, not ours, we want to be there for her when she needs/wants us.

So to make a long story short and for many various reasons (not just Rachel), we feel like the time has come for us to leave FS and for Steve to be New Zealand based full-time as well.  We've been in a holding pattern a bit seeing how things would develop, but while we have deep sadness of heart we also have deep peace that the next season of our lives is in New Zealand, at least until Aaron is ready to be on his own and possibly Adam as well.

But what does that look like exactly?  We'd like to know as well!  Basically we think it would be good to stay in the same area (north of Auckland) that we are in since we've all made relationships here and are feeling settled, and we'd prefer not to throw any more change in the mix at this time.  Steve will need to start looking for a job and may have to commute to Auckland depending on what he finds for work. A job for him is a huge concern for us so we'd appreciate your prayers!  A bit daunting to join the workforce again after years of full-time work in missions.

While we know that God has a plan and a path, this has aspects of feeling like a child ripped away as I'm sure those of you who have put your heart and soul into something will understand.  We love mission work, people in general; that's our heart.  But we love our kids as well.

For those of you who support us, first of all we want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts!  We've had the most amazing, supportive team of people behind us.  We just can't express how much easier that's made the load that we've carried overseas as well as left tangible things behind.  We are humbled by you.

Our plan is to be off missionary financial support as soon as possible, but for those who would like to continue for a few months or so longer as we transition, that would be very appreciated as well.  We are blessed to have the asset of a house that Steve's had in S. Auckland for years so have just sold that so we can relocate, but we own little else.  We've been living in Steve's sister's holiday home and using all of her furniture, kitchen stuff, etc.  A huge blessing!  But will need to set up the basics of life for ourselves as well.

So there you have it.  And to be honest we're probably more surprised than you may be!  We're a little bent and a little broken at present, but trust in His Goodness and plan for our future path.  We also know that He's not finished with us yet.  

Thanks so very much for your many prayers over the years---and for us right now, too!

With love,

Steve and Heather

Our crew along with Hannah's man Luke and our mate Toby from Kolkata.
And why are they the only two just looking normally at the camera? :-)

All About People

A couple of days ago I got to sit at the top of a hill all by myself and just stared.  I sat for an hour or more and let my mind wander.  I thought about this and that.  I stared until my thoughts untangled, my shoulders relaxed, and I breathed more deeply than I had for a while.  Something that I should do far more often!  Take the time to think through things, talk to God, process; just dial down, find perspective, and not leave until I do. While nothing in my life had changed, I walked down the hill with a clearer head and a more peaceful heart.

I often wish that I could just stay in that 'top of the hill' place.  The things I could do in the challenges of life down below with the peace and perspective of 'above!'

The problem is that the top of the hill is a place that is hard to get to and impractical to live.  Most of all, however, no one else is there.  While that might be nice for a while, life would get pretty dull, pretty fast without others.  And what's the point of the top of the hill when there's nothing to gain perspective FROM?

Jesus is all about people.  He spent massive amounts of time with them while here on Earth.  People are the center of His heart, the passion of who He is, and considered in all that He does.  He modeled how to live for us while He was here on Earth and was about people, not power nor position.  He led from the bottom up and served others.

I've read a number of things recently that ripped Christians to shreds.  Called us 'sanctimonious, bigoted, judgmental, superficial, holier-than-thou' to name a few.  Ouch.  I'm seeing this more and more and if that is the impression that people have, then what kind of legacy are we as 'The Church' leaving behind?  Because Jesus is all about people.  Every person that ever was or ever will be.

Couldn't resist this with some Christmas money that I received.  It's called a Circle of Friends but it just reminds me of the value of people!

Jesus didn't criticize the government of His day, although He easily could have (Mark 12:17).  It was oppressive and godless. Although the Old Testament shows that God is a just God and that we need a Savior, Jesus didn't condemn sinners (John 8:1-11), but gave His own life instead.  In fact, the only time that I can think of that He was openly critical was about the religious leaders of the day (Matt. 23, Matt. 21:12-13).

While other parts of India* can be militant against Christians, Kolkata* is unique in that people of different religions for the most part get along.  I think this has a lot to do with Mother Teresa.  All she did was love in Jesus' name for years and now around the city Christians are thought of as generally good and loving.  What an amazing legacy that is.

I spent another happy hour yesterday looking at the 'Humans of New York' page on Facebook by the author/photographer of the bestselling book by the same name.  Amazing photos and interesting bits from interviews of random people from all walks of life on the streets of New York City.  Man, people are interesting!  Valuable, vulnerable, intriguingly unique.

I wonder what would happen if we just loved them?  All of them.  Embraced them regardless of their differences from us.  Whether they made us uncomfortable or not.  Whether it was convenient or if we even liked them. What if we set aside the bickering, finger-pointing, and holier-than-thou attitudes that have made us notorious?

What if we just loved from the bottom up?  Like Jesus.

That's the kind of legacy I'd like to leave behind.

* Since I'm now writing from NZ I've decided that it's OK to name locations of our other recent home.  I won't name the business that we've worked at by full name, however.

We're in this together.........

I do like J.R.R. Tolkien, but honestly am not obsessed.  With the new Hobbit movie just out, rereading the book to Adam before he saw the movie, and our visit to The Shire recently, his works have been on my mind more than usual.   But the reason hobbits and dwarves have been part of my thoughts frequently this week has nothing to do with books or movies---it's because of a song.

"The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug" ends rather abruptly, but that fact is quickly redeemed by the hauntingly beautiful and strangely moving song by Ed Sheeran "I See Fire."  (Click on name of song to hear it!) Worth sitting for a bit more and listening to in Dolby while the credits roll.  Our kids love this song and it's heard frequently around the house these days. It's fortunate that I like the song because it keeps playing over and over in my head as well.

Yesterday as it randomly meandered across my subconscious mind yet another time, I wondered what it is about the song that 'makes' it. It's beautiful, yes, but that alone would get old quickly.  I decided it had to be a 'right' combination of the whole; music, vocals, and the words that strike an emotional chord and makes it worth listening to repeatedly.  

It's a song about tragedy.  Desolation coming with no reprieve.  Hope lost.  But in the song is intense comradery as well.  Words like, "If this is to end in fire then we shall all burn together."  It's about facing insurmountable odds, but with your friend who is even closer than a brother by your side.  Brothers in arms.  Brothers in battle.  Brothers in a cause worth dying for. 

Comradery, one of the deepest motivators of the human spirit.  Soldiers have known it for ages past.  Deep fellowship is the longing of our hearts.  Loving someone enough to die for them and knowing without doubt that they would do the same for us.  How precious it is when we find it!  And nothing brings people together like a common cause.

I've never been a solider but I've seen working for a common cause in action in what was our other home of the past several years.  While the foreigners working in the area were from different countries, often had different opinions and ideas, and different personalities, everyone came together because of a common goal.  If it was clear that something was what was best for the women that we served, then there was no argument whatsoever.  There was an incredible willingness to lay aside differences and find a common solution to whatever comes for the sake of the 'cause'.  The task before us was so great that it was worth shoving down our own pride because we knew that we needed each other and could not be effective on our own---and we all cared about something enough to do it.

That must be why Satan works so hard to divide the Body of Christ, destroy friendships, decimate marriages, devastate families.  Because 'two are better than one' (Ecc. 4:9) and we can do little on our own.  He is bent on destroying fellowship, wants us to turn inward, and fans the flame of selfishness into the destruction that he desires.

"Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you.  For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions.  These are not from the Father, but are from this world.  And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave.  But anyone who does what pleases God will love forever."  (I Jn. 2:15-17)

The battle for the mind is in the 'I'. What 'I' want.  What 'I' crave.  Looking inward at the 'I'.  It singles us out from the herd, makes us weak, makes us fall.  And it's an illusion of fulfillment that won't last.

But there's a stronger way.  One worth fighting for.  One that we were designed to crave.

"Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.  If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.  Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken."

We were made for comradery and fellowship.  It's the plan of the One who redeems and doesn't 'steal, kill, and destroy.'

"I want them to be encouraged and knit together by strong ties of love.  I want them to have complete confidence that they understand God's mysterious plan, which is Christ himself (who cared enough to die for us--the ultimate Comrade in Arms!) In him lie hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge."  (Col. 2:2-3)

We have a General.  We have a Cause (freedom and life!).  We have comrades.  May our goal for this coming year be to grow in love; love for Him, love for each other, love for the multitudes in need.  

"Many things have gone wrong with the world that God made and...God insists, and insists very loudly, on our putting them right again." (A Year With C. S. Lewis)

"Let love be your highest goal..."  (I Cor. 14:1)

Together. 

Our visit to the Shire.....

We recently got to go to Middle Earth.  Well, technically all over New Zealand has been filmed as part of Middle Earth, but more particularly we visited Hobbiton in the Shire.  Only a short drive away from Steve's sister's house!

What a magical place it is!  I took many more photos than these but here is a sample.

Over sized gardens so the actors playing the hobbits looked smaller. 

Place where Bilbo hops the fence and says, "I'm off on an adventure," in The Hobbit

The Party Tree (left)

One of the party tents

Bag End from a distance.  It's under the tree on the left.  That tree's not real, however, and every leaf has been sewn on by hand!

The famous door!!!

To the right of the door.  Bench where Bilbo and Gandalf hang out.  The wicker fence that you can sort of see was changed into a lower one every time Gandalf stood by it to make him look taller.

My little hobbit next to Sam's home at the end of the LOTR.  

My phone battery ran out before we got to the town center and the Green Dragon.  Every tour ends with a drink at the Green Dragon, an intricately carved place with attention given down to the smallest detail.  Amazing!

Unexpected Love - Merry Christmas!

There's a little gray cat that comes to call but belongs to the people next door.  He comes and goes and often for days on end doesn't come at all.  But then he shows up unexpectedly, meowing at odd times to come inside for a cuddle and a play.  And he makes us smile.

And I'm convinced that this cat hears the voice of God.  Because even though he's not ours, he often comes at times when one of us is lonely or sad. Like late in the evening a while back after I dropped Steve off at the airport to go back to our other home for a while.  I didn't even realize that I needed a snuggle until there was a fuzzy warm bundle purring on my lap.

Sometimes God reaches out to us in unexpected ways.

We had visitors from overseas recently and enjoyed being tourists alongside of them for a bit.  One of the 'must do' (but that I hadn't done yet!) things of New Zealand is to go to the glow worm caves.  We watched a documentary about the worms first and learned that they're somewhat repulsive creatures that eat insects caught on strands of slime similar to a spider.  But, oh, what a beautiful thing they become when the lights go out! A holy hush fell over our boat as we floated along the underground river in darkness except for an entire night sky of stars on the ceiling overhead.  One of the most unexpectedly beautiful things I've seen in a long time!  A little display of his Creative Majesty that sat there undiscovered for thousands of years whispering, "I'm here.  I wait for you.  I think about you.  I love."

Cropped from a Waitomo Glow Worm Caves brochure

The untapped depths of all that He is.

Right now we're remembering the unexpectedness of a baby.  Sent to poor parents in the midst of a journey. The most important event in history came almost unnoticed except by a few shepherds and wise men who followed a star.

God with us as a helpless babe, born to show us how to live, then to sacrifice Himself for us.  What could be more unexpected than that?

"We proclaim to you the one who existed from the beginning, whom we have heard and seen. We saw him with our own eyes and touched him with our own hands. He is the Word of life. This one who is life itself was revealed to us, and we have seen him. And now we testify and proclaim to you that he is the one who is eternal life."  (I John 1:1-2)

The Disciples saw Him first hand but we 'see' Him in many ways as well; in hard times through trials when we think we've been stretched beyond what we can endure.  Yet when we're beyond ourselves we find that He is there.  We 'see' Him in a hug from a child (or neighbor's cat snuggles!) or through lights in unexpected places.  We 'see' Him in a smile or in the peace that He whispers to our hearts and the joy that shouldn't be there when life is hard, but is.  

And then we can say with Job, "I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes." (Job 42:5)

He's there showing Himself to us in countless little ways, but it's up to us to recognize, acknowledge and SEE.

So during this Christmas season let's remember not to be too busy to see Him.  Let's take a deep breath and be still........

And let a holy hush fall at the unexpectedness of all that He is and all that He does-----and worship.